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If you are new to dating, working out the whats, wheres and the how-tos can be pretty difficult. You are probably just looking for someone nice to spend some time with, but it will seem more like you are in a competition, constantly judged against everyone else, rather than on your own merits. Nice guys and girls and quickly become neurotic wrecks as they lurch from rejection to rejection.
But if you take step back for a minute and make the conscious decision to enjoy dating, then you really can have fun with it, and find someone to fit into your life. I always tell people that the trick is to be happy with yourself so that you always exude confidence. In that way, all types of people will be attracted to you, and you will have far greater dating success.
This is the trick, but it can be very difficult to realize. Everyone wants to be confident, but almost no one really is. Probably even George Clooney has times when he ebbs. But just because you do not feel confident, doesn’t mean you can’t be confident. Your internal meter maybe running low, but as long as you look confident on the outside, then people will treat you that way. More importantly, you will start to treat yourself that way. Confidence begets confidence.
Try it. Head out to a bar and spark up a conversation with someone, or message someone you like online. That immediate moment that you do it might be nerve-wracking, but to the other person you will seem very confident, and they will respond to that well.
One mistake almost everyone makes when they start dating is to only think in terms of bars, clubs and websites. They think that what dating means is either getting drunk and sidling up to someone in the dark and using a lame line, or they think that they have to sit at their computer every night going through dozens of profiles, picking the best ones to message.
That is because that is what the dating industry want you to think. Instead start to realize that the possibility of dating is all around you. In cafes, grocery stores, at the gym, in the street, everywhere. If you see someone you like, as a human being you can go up to them and start up a conversation. As a human being, they are free to walk away, but they might be OK with it.
Of course this is easier for women to do than men, as men always seem creepy when the do so. But if a man has something funny, relevant, or charming to say, any girl anywhere is going to listen to them, and respond.
Enjoy The Opportunities
One thing that worries people a lot about dating is the fear of rejection, both ways. They worry about finding someone really attractive, only for them to be turned down. They also worry about having to let someone else down, telling them that there will be no second date.
You cannot change how other people will respond, but you can change your response. See dating as an opportunity to meet new people and understand from the off that most dates will lead nowhere. If you just choose to enjoy the moment, getting to know someone new and doing something different no matter what the outcome, then you will be able to see the whole thing as an opportunity and an adventure.
If you are feeling low, and your confidence is not high, then use this time in your life to do something about it. Lose that weight, take up that hobby, change that job. What you fear people will not like about you is, in reality, what you do not like about yourself. Think about what you really want from life and how you might change it. It might turn out that wanting a relationship was just a crutch for something else in your life and once you realized you really want to be a ski instructor in Irkutsk, you are happy on your own.
Lastly, do not be afraid to say no, and to reach for the top. If you are taking dating seriously then this might be the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Therefore you have to get what you want. Do not settle just because you do not want to hurt someone’s feelings, and do not settle just because you think you cannot do any better. You can.
But do go to every date with open eyes. You might find that the person you really want, deep down, is sitting across the table form you right now.